Oh my god, this is so awful. Crystal, if you still read this thread, you need to
find a lawyer immediately because if you haven't already figured out, your divorce is likely to be messy, in addition to the fraud/identity theft charges you will likely be making against your husband.
I'm not a lawyer, but you've got a couple obvious issues:
- If they didn't form a legal limited liability or use an existing limited liability with up to date documentation, you could be on the hook for all their debts without limit to personal residence, property, or savings.
- Even if you can prove identity theft and fraud by your husband, you are extremely likely to be liable for debts he accrued while you were married, especially if #1 is true.
- Even assuming the judge finds in your favor on the debt issues, your soon to be ex-husband seems the sort to be unlikely to pay said debts and the collectors will pursue you (possibly illegally to the point of harassment) for many, many years. From what I have read in this thread about his history of defrauding people, I wouldn't expect any kind of alimony/child support to actually be paid, either.
The upshot of those points is unless you have 20+k plus legal fees lying around, your credit rating is most likely tanked which seriously hurts your opportunities for finding a job, renting an apartment, and leasing a vehicle; three things very likely to happen in your near future.
Some things you really want to do right away:
- After talking to a lawyer and discussing this, call the credit agencies (experian, equifax, transunion) and find out what accounts are open in your name. Tell the credit agencies which accounts you think are fraudulent and have them begin the process of investigating; Starting a fraud investigation may have the effect of freezing all of your credit including cards and checks so plan for this possibility. Go to the police and report those accounts that you weren't aware of for identity theft/fraud investigation. You can call those banks and tell them you think you were a victim of identity theft. It should go without saying, but don't ever try to take ownership of the accounts.
- Immediately, maintain maximum separation between yourself and the business. Stop posting on these boards. Stop interacting with your husband's customers. Do nothing further to involve yourself with the mess. I think recovering the domain name was a mistake, but it's too late to put that cat back in the bag. Do not sell any assets of the business including domain names. Do not try to pay off business-related liabilities you were unaware of previous to this mess. You should ask your lawyer if there is anything that can be done to temporarily put a hold on those liabilities until after the proceedings are finished. Even if these things are in your name, they are not and have never been yours and you should endeavor to maintain that distance.
- Immediately begin to gather up all the financial information you can for your and your husbands accounts (that are real; if you find fraudulent ones, be sure to keep them separate). Bills, account statements, property taxes, income tax filings, grocery receipts, etc. You're going to need all of it shortly. You're also going to have to estimate a budget of expenses. If you've never done that before, you may want to try it yourself using an example template from the internet but have it reviewed by a financial planner or tax accountant specializing in divorce. A specialist might be expensive (>100 USD/hr), but it will likely be far cheaper than asking your lawyer to help you. Same deal with a therapist if you really need someone to cry on and can't go to friends and family.
Things to consider:
- You are the victim here. Don't do anything rash (like destruction of property with emotional value to your spouse or other acts of petty vengeance, etc) to give evidence to the contrary. If you've been the loving, loyal, and honest wife, that's who you need to present yourself as. Don't lie, omit or be tricky; the people you'll be talking to have probably seen it all before. Keep the moral high ground, even if it means taking hits to your ego, but fight back by whatever legal means possible. You need to present the façade of self-control and emotional stability both for the legal battle and for your children. Better still, actually having both. Yes, I'll be the first to admit it's much easier to say than to do.
- Keep your friends close, especially your mutual ones. Some are inevitably going to side with your spouse and be lost, but that's not anything you need to encourage.
- Civil legal battles are expensive and you likely don't have a lot of money. Talk to your lawyer to see if arbitration is appropriate.
- The fraud case is a criminal proceeding whereas the divorce is a civil one (though damages from fraud might be civil also, like I said, I'm not a lawyer). You likely need to pursue both.
- Selling assets will get hit by capital gains taxes so don't split ownership if possible. The financial planner can help with this kind of decision making.
- If you don't have a personal vehicle or are unlikely to receive one in a divorce settlement (ie, your husband is selling off assets to cover debts faster than you can move proceedings along) and you can afford to do so, you may want to lease something before your credit gets mangled; discuss first with your financial planner. Once the contract is in place, as long as you keep making payments on time, it should not be possible to lose your lease (verify by reading the fine print), nor can it be taken to pay liabilities (your primary vehicle also cannot be taken to pay liabilities if you own just the one). Your situation is none of the dealership's business but don't lie (because contracts made under false pretenses are not legal, etc).
- In the worst case scenario, you may have to file for bankruptcy, which means starting over with a huge penalty to your credit. I would definitely discuss that option with your financial planner/tax accountant, but I probably wouldn't bring it up with your divorce lawyer (which is kind of dickish, I'll be honest, but probably for the best). Keep that in mind when negotiating the rate you'll be paying your lawyer--you don't want to screw them as they're on your side, but you need to be able to pay them something you can afford when all is said and done. If you must go the bankruptcy route, don't ever bank with a company that you have had unpaid liabilities with. Make sure you understand exactly what bankruptcy means and the options before pursuing it; it is like a nuclear option and having known people that have gone through it, it is extremely unpleasant and continues to be for a very long time.
- Even if their son is a jerk, the paternal grandparents sound pretty decent. Keep that in mind when choosing who you want in your children's lives. Try not to take it out on them if they weren't at fault.
As emotional and trying a time as this is for you, I hope you can keep your head and be as methodical and thorough as possible and avoid any rash decisions.
Best wishes and sincere condolences,
-tw
(and with that off-topic post, I disappear again)
