# Tell me a joke Thread



## KMyers (Jun 2, 2015)

(Just keep it PG)


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## William (Jun 2, 2015)

Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.


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## MartinD (Jun 2, 2015)

Johnny.


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## clarity (Jun 2, 2015)

William said:


> Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.


I am not sure that i get this one.


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## William (Jun 2, 2015)

theres a lot of them:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/14q1lq/collection_of_my_favorite_latvian_jokes/

It settles from a joke that Latvia is poor and cold, also dark,


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## MannDude (Jun 2, 2015)

KMyers said:


> (Just keep it PG)


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## William (Jun 2, 2015)

I don't even know what PG is, that rating system is not common outside the US (or inside German speaking Europe) :'(


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## MannDude (Jun 2, 2015)

William said:


> I don't even know what PG is, that rating system is not common outside the US (or inside German speaking Europe) :'(


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## Coastercraze (Jun 3, 2015)

Two iPhones walk into a bar.

I forget the rest.


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## KMyers (Jun 3, 2015)

MannDude said:


>


Then PG13


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## HalfEatenPie (Jun 3, 2015)

KMyers said:


> Then PG13


Ok so language is fine?

@lbft's weiner.  

I'm sorry.


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## lbft (Jun 3, 2015)




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## mikho (Jun 4, 2015)

I farted in the Apple store and everybody got pissed. It's not my fault they don't have Windows...


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## KMyers (Jun 4, 2015)

mikho said:


> I farted in the Apple store and everybody got pissed. It's not my fault they don't have Windows...


I do that intentionally every chance I get. I even go out of my way to go to the Apple store when I eat Mexican


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## mikho (Jun 4, 2015)

What did the fish say when he ran/swam into the wall?


Dam.


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## tk-hassan (Jun 10, 2015)

Q: What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?

A: The Space bar!


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## HBAndrei (Jun 10, 2015)

So this helicopter crashes into a cemetery... the cops report finding 378 casualties.


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## HN-Matt (Jun 14, 2015)

> In the orphan psychoblast, the half-formed navigator wired to the controls of the input channels began issuing a stream of requests for information. The first few thousand requests yielded nothing but a monotonous stream of error codes; they were incorrectly formed, or referred to non-existent sources of data. But every psychoblast was innately biased towards finding the polis library (if not, it would have taken millennia) and the navigator kept trying until it hit on a valid address, and data flooded through the channels: a gestalt image of a lion, accompanied by the linear word for the animal.
> 
> The navigator instantly abandoned trial and error and went into a spasm of repetition, summoning the same frozen image of the lion again and again. This continued until even the crudest of its embryonic change-discriminators finally stopped firing, and it drifted back towards experimentation.
> 
> ...


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## qrwteyrutiyoup (Jun 15, 2015)




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## mikho (Jun 15, 2015)

HBAndrei said:


> So this helicopter crashes into a cemetery... the cops report finding 378 casualties.


I once stayed at a hotel near a cemetery, I call that a near death experience.


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## Coastercraze (Jun 16, 2015)

HBAndrei said:


> So this helicopter crashes into a cemetery... the cops report finding 378 casualties.


Reminds me of a true story about a tornado that was around here many years ago...

During the aftermath, some news reporters were passing by a graveyard and said "there's dead bodies everywhere!"


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## Premiumn (Jun 16, 2015)




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## HBAndrei (Jun 16, 2015)

qrwteyrutiyoup said:


>


That's a good one, here's an even better one:


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## willie (Jun 16, 2015)

[from usenet]

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.  He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before.  The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.  Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."

The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...

But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.


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## Dillybob (Jun 20, 2015)

Why are there no black astronauts?


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## HN-Matt (Jun 23, 2015)

The police helicopter accidentally left its loud speaker on while circling a friend's neighborhood yesterday evening. They were discussing the Mayor and some shit he got into in his distant past. Everyone came out of their houses to hear what was going on and started breaking out into laughter once they heard the mistaken conversation.


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## raindog308 (Jun 23, 2015)

An old favorite of mine, modified for this forum.

A hindu, a Jew, and the GVH CEO are driving in the country one night and their car breaks down.  They see a light on at a nearby farmhouse and walk over to it.

The farmer answers the door and they ask to use his phone.  "Haven't got a phone," he says, and offers to drive them into town in the morning.  "You can stay here, but I have only two spare beds.  One of you will have to sleep in the barn."

They agree and draw straws.  The hindu comes up short and heads to the barn and everyone goes to sleep.  Moments later, there is a knock at the door.  Everyone gets up and they find the hindu standing on the porch.  "I'm sorry, but there is a cow in the barn and because of my religious beliefs, I cannot sleep there."

The Jew and the GVH CEO are understanding and so they play rock/paper/scissors and the Jew loses.  He heads to the barn and everyone goes to sleep.  Moments later, there is a knock at the door.  Everyone gets up and they find the Jew standing on the porch.  "I'm sorry, but there is a pig in the barn and because of my religious beliefs, I cannot sleep there."

The GVH CEO is very understanding and so he heads to the barn and everyone goes to sleep.  Moments later, there is a knock at the door.  Everyone gets up and they find the cow and pig standing on the porch...


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## Licensecart (Jun 23, 2015)

WHMCS v6 will be secure.


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