Reminds me of a true story about a tornado that was around here many years ago...
During the aftermath, some news reporters were passing by a graveyard and said "there's dead bodies everywhere!"
Tell me a joke Thread
- Thread starter KMyers
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During the aftermath, some news reporters were passing by a graveyard and said "there's dead bodies everywhere!"
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A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...
But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...
But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
The police helicopter accidentally left its loud speaker on while circling a friend's neighborhood yesterday evening. They were discussing the Mayor and some shit he got into in his distant past. Everyone came out of their houses to hear what was going on and started breaking out into laughter once they heard the mistaken conversation.
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An old favorite of mine, modified for this forum.
A hindu, a Jew, and the GVH CEO are driving in the country one night and their car breaks down. They see a light on at a nearby farmhouse and walk over to it.
The farmer answers the door and they ask to use his phone. "Haven't got a phone," he says, and offers to drive them into town in the morning. "You can stay here, but I have only two spare beds. One of you will have to sleep in the barn."
They agree and draw straws. The hindu comes up short and heads to the barn and everyone goes to sleep. Moments later, there is a knock at the door. Everyone gets up and they find the hindu standing on the porch. "I'm sorry, but there is a cow in the barn and because of my religious beliefs, I cannot sleep there."
The Jew and the GVH CEO are understanding and so they play rock/paper/scissors and the Jew loses. He heads to the barn and everyone goes to sleep. Moments later, there is a knock at the door. Everyone gets up and they find the Jew standing on the porch. "I'm sorry, but there is a pig in the barn and because of my religious beliefs, I cannot sleep there."
The GVH CEO is very understanding and so he heads to the barn and everyone goes to sleep. Moments later, there is a knock at the door. Everyone gets up and they find the cow and pig standing on the porch...
A hindu, a Jew, and the GVH CEO are driving in the country one night and their car breaks down. They see a light on at a nearby farmhouse and walk over to it.
The farmer answers the door and they ask to use his phone. "Haven't got a phone," he says, and offers to drive them into town in the morning. "You can stay here, but I have only two spare beds. One of you will have to sleep in the barn."
They agree and draw straws. The hindu comes up short and heads to the barn and everyone goes to sleep. Moments later, there is a knock at the door. Everyone gets up and they find the hindu standing on the porch. "I'm sorry, but there is a cow in the barn and because of my religious beliefs, I cannot sleep there."
The Jew and the GVH CEO are understanding and so they play rock/paper/scissors and the Jew loses. He heads to the barn and everyone goes to sleep. Moments later, there is a knock at the door. Everyone gets up and they find the Jew standing on the porch. "I'm sorry, but there is a pig in the barn and because of my religious beliefs, I cannot sleep there."
The GVH CEO is very understanding and so he heads to the barn and everyone goes to sleep. Moments later, there is a knock at the door. Everyone gets up and they find the cow and pig standing on the porch...
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